Sadness, despair, anxiety and overthinking. My life had been run over by the demons who have inhabited my head. I was lost for years, not understanding I had been wandering on a path that never existed
My name is Aneesh Bairavasundaram, and I am now unrestricted.
Born and raised in the United States, identity – as many second-generation children may relate with – was not something that I was mindful of for many years. My family’s background originates from a long lineage of Hindu priests from the acclaimed Madurai Meenakshi Temple and Chennai Kalikambal Temple; faith was often considered a given – yet for me blind faith was not.
Faith is something which only came through observation for me. As a scientist at heart, I proclaimed that religion or faith was a primitive form of understanding the physical world and was invalid.
Although I made the claim, I was also not able to support religion or Gods’ irrationality aside from counterarguments. Many paths in spirituality existed and as a purely scientific experiment I decided to go on a path; to learn the scriptures and learn yoga to prove its invalidity which meant committing to the process.
As time progressed my doubts were growing, I had constant debates with Gurus and religious leaders. As I was reflecting on the journey thus far, I realized that it truthfully was all imaginative. I decided to stop continuing the “spiritual” path. As the path began to end, I stopped trying to understand and began just observing life.
Observation led to understanding: Energy = Presence. Something that is omnipresent cannot be understood without being acknowledged in the most objective manner.
Shakthi has been something I have been surrounded by since I was young. I grew up with tales of Kali and the Goddesses’ might but beyond valor is their kindness and compassion. Energy’s consciousness is often not described, but energy’s conscious nature is in its presence. When we see a highly energetic person, we regard them as having a large presence regardless of their conscious thought. Similarly, I understood that I was simply not observing the presence which was omnipresent, and I was lacking awareness. Creation is Energy. Preservation is Energy. Dissolution is Energy.
Creation in Shaiva Agama is described as Shiva the Consciousness and Shakthi the Energy. Both are intertwined, yet both are unique in distinction; at Consciousness’ will, Energy plays. Everything in the world both animate and in-animate vibrate at different levels of energy. Energy is the heat of the fire; consciousness is the light. Fire’s purpose is a combination both to provide light and heat.
This understanding helped me for the first time look outside of the Ego which I and the community had been building together for years.
Yad Bhavam Tad Bhavati
Blind faith is something that I detested. Coming from the American perspective I always tried to find an “answer” and until then I disregarded the practice- often at my own detriment. As I began to receive more answers and understandings, I realized the place of blind faith. Blind faith leads to unwavering selflessness and true commitment.
What is blind faith? Essentially a form of performing action without understanding the inner workings of how and in some cases why. True sacrifice comes from the early stages of performing action without necessarily understanding where it may lead. A dream to manifest often uses this concept to begin to create.
For example, if someone had an idea to start a clothing business, regardless of how much they may read on the topic, they are following the path or belief that their peers or mentors may have taken. The Upanishad says “Yad Bhavam Tad Bhavati” which loosely translated means “that which is believed, manifests”. This concept ties in the importance of ShivaShakti balance.
Although I could call myself Aneesh, I did not understand my purpose which let way for all these demons to run. I have been fortunate with my father, and many Gurus who through conviction shared their Energy and the ultimate compassion of the Goddess’s grace, it all connected. I was not understanding what was right before me; to look inward, I had to observe outward. I understood for the first time the ownership of action is ego.
For the first time in my life, my life meant something to me. I began the bhavam of enjoying and building my life – and Tad Bhavati, there it manifested.
Happiness, Peace, Love, Care, Faith, and Gratitude. My life is now under the Lord’s hands. The demons who once lived in my head, now tremble in the presence of Shakthi, passion. I am on a path and with balance of Energy and Consciousness I have understood that I am to bring others onto my path.
The title SilentGuru came to me, which is also a title given to the Guru of Gurus not for a title to call myself but rather to help others find the path and to walk together towards a Global Spiritual Consciousness. To provide the Energy for many who feel their life is constricted. For those out of balance, to guide them towards balance which in turn will help realize their purpose.
As my mental health and strength grew, I decided to provide both allopathic and spiritual mediums to children of immigrants through Bala Vihar and propagate the importance of both Mental Health workshops and therapy as well as the spiritual relief and cleansing which will help one have the strength to get through recovery.
SilentGuru Trades grew out of the necessity which I lacked during my growth both as an individual but also as a member of the community. Faith is a duty, not a choice; the mind, body and soul all are part of life is what helped me understand my own purpose.
All praise to the great Shiva/Shakthi.
By : –Aneesh Bairavasundaram
About the Author
Aneesh Bairavasundaram is an ex Bal Vihar graduate in Boston area, and now runs a flourishing Bal Vihar himself at the Siva Temple. He recently introduced an advanced program for young adults.